#5 I became more human.

I thought I had it all figured out – we’ll be working hard, climb the corporate ladder, go abroad, buy a house, start a family, and do whatever we are passionate about. I saw myself as Mrs. M in the future which was why I held on and kept pushing for that relationship to work. When he broke up with me through a text and found a new love in less than a month without telling me before I took the trip to see him for a closure and only knowing about him having a girlfriend while I was there, I felt like a dead fish floating on the surface of a deep, scary ocean. I have no idea what will happen next. I couldn’t even see what the next three months would look like. I lost control and I didn’t like it one bit.

But God, being the good God that He is, reminded me that He got it. It was time for me to hand everything over to Him and trust that all things work together for good. The Morning-After was the worst of all. Those were the days that I felt like I had to walk on water and never move my eyes away from Him just so I wouldn’t drown. It was the best moments of my spiritual walk; to just reach in from the deepest corners of my heart and worship God like I had nothing left in my soul. It was a daily surrender.

You know, when you had your heart broken, you just become more inclined to your life, to your community, and even to the world.  You tear up easily in stories about suffering and pain because you know how it feels. You empathize more. You become selfless – though you know you should love yourself more, but you also give away a lot of yourself not only to one person but also to those who need it the most. You love better, because you know at any moment you can lose that someone or something; that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. You live better, because well, yolo – in a good way.

Most of all, you just become more human. You understand that you can’t control everything. You can’t figure out everything that’s happening in your life. Eventually, you have to stop asking why because you can’t keep hanging on what ifs and maybes. You realize that even after a heartbreak, that one you thought you’d die of, the world doesn’t stop and life goes on.

And then sometimes, you wake up realizing that another day means God’s not done with you yet. Sometimes, you just really need to admit to yourself that you’re only human, you make mistakes and you learn from them and keep on moving forward.

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