I know your mind runs wild to try to comprehend everything that’s been happening for the last five months.
You’ve tried your best to find answers and close the doors. The plane ticket, the fake ID, the people you’ve met, the photos you took, the beautiful islands you wanted to come back to; all these told a story of when you’ve crossed oceans for someone who wouldn’t even jump puddles for you.
You’ve done almost everything you could to keep him off your mind. The receipts from boxes of shoes, the bags of clothes, cans of beer, movie tickets and dinner menus; all these told a story of when you’ve tried to convince yourself that you are your own person and nothing could alter your happiness, even in his absence.
You’ve knelt down on your knees with tears in your eyes and surrendered everyday all the baggage that you carry within. The three pages of handwritten notes in your journal, the tears you keep at bay during the many Sunday worship services, the relentless crying out to the Lord and to people accountable to your spiritual growth and healing; all these told a story of when everything you’ve tried had not worked out and all you could do more or less was hand it over to the God you grew up believing could do so much more.
Just give up, my dear. God knows you’ve tried. God knows you’ve tried.