Day 41

There are still moments when I would want to pick up my phone and ask how you are doing and hope that the conversation will flow through and would end with you having the last text. 

Sometimes, I still want answers for questions like ‘what are you two talking about?’, ‘how does she make you happy?’, ‘are we ever going to be friends?’ Or ‘are we ever going to be just friends?’. 

Then I’d suddenly feel tired. I feel tired for thinking all of these things. For still worrying if you’re doing okay. For not being all right. For looking for answers. For searching for reasons that would totally kill you in me. 

When I’m feeling better at some days, I ask the Lord if I could be like this forever. But He would always answer me, ‘No my child, not like this. So much better.’ 

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