Day 25

Curiosity killed the broken hearted. I kept on lurking around your Facebook thinking it won’t hurt cause you never really update a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but sometimes, my mind unconsciously thinks about you and my hand reaches out and types your name in that rectangular box of Search. I should have not. I should have focused more on that shell script I was doing last night but instead, I waited for your profile to load and what I saw next broke my heart a little. No, there wasn’t any photos of you with the girl but you changed your profile picture wearing the shirt you asked me to buy for you and a caption that says ‘love is in the palm of your hands’. My body shivered and my mind wandered off. I still think this is unfair. Why are you out there speaking about love and feeling happy while I’m here trying to get through the days unscathed? Aside from her presence, what can she give that I couldn’t? I know this is torture to my poor heart and brain but sometimes, I can’t help it. Maybe I just want to keep on trying to know when it won’t hurt that much. Maybe I just want to check everyday if the pain is getting lesser. Maybe through this I can accept more quickly albeit it breaks me. Because I’m scared; I’m scared that one day I’ll be fine and I test myself by looking through your Facebook and everything I’ve worked hard all crumbles down to ground zero and I’ll be back to stage 1. I think, I think that’s even scarier than little heartbreaks I get when I look through his profile from time to time. 

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