Broken-hearted in Coron

I’m currently in Coron and I lie awake, staring at the ceiling with so many things on my mind and so many questions in my heart. 

I was planning to go to Culion to ask for a closure but I guess I won’t be going. Apparently, he has a girlfriend and the girl even sent me a txt message and introduced herself like, ‘im his gf and you are the ex right?’. It hurts but I realized how messed up he is. He couldn’t even handle his affairs. Was it needed for him to give her my number and allow her to break the news for me? That was a low blow. He could’ve been honest and told me he has a girlfriend. It’s not like I’m chasing after him, I just want my closure. I think I deserve at least that. 

But the way things unfolded today, there’s no way I’m setting foot on that island! Who needs a closure from a cheater and a liar? I think we’re better off this way. He was able to replace me in a month, so why would I not think he wasnt cheating during the five months he was there? I just couldnt believe that he could do something like this. Maybe I never knew him. Or maybe I underestimated him. I dont know. Or maybe he changed. 

So I don’t know how to spend the rest of the week in Coron. I feel like going home but my friends told me to enjoy my vacation and be refreshed or feel renewed. 

And I’m glad I brought my Bible. What would I do without it? 

I’m actually so pissed off. I feel like I’m the third party now or the girl who wants to ruin their relationship. The only funny thing is the fact that the girl is a jejemon. When I read her text, I didn’t know what to feel – should I laugh or should I cry? Laugh because she texts that way, or cry because he settled for someone like that. Maybe she’s pretty, or sweet or smart, I dont know. I have no plans of knowing. 

When he asked me if he could introduce us, I just burst up. How could he? Couldn’t they understand respect? How can you introduce the new girl to the ex without all of you feeling awkward? What an idiot. 

I cant believe I put up with this man for 7 years! I cant believe I never saw how stupid, unreliable, disrespectful he is! 

He even asked me to buy him clothes and give him those when we see each other! The nerve! I hope he couldve told me he has a gf even before I decided to go here. I feel so alone and worse, I’m hurting. 

God indeed has His ways of breaking you up and molding you again. This is God telling me to stop and move on. This is God telling me I have someone better for you. I had to learn it the hard way but I hope I’ll be fine one day. 

I know I have my shortcomings, but never in my life had I thought I’ll do this to him. I’m really trying to convince myself that I’ll be okay. Not now, but maybe someday. 

Thank you Lord for this time, may You hide me under your wings and show me the unfailing love You have for each one of us. 

Fill my mind with thoughts of You and You alone. Fill my heart with Your love and peace that there will be no room for bitterness, pain and revenge. 

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Elle says:

    I think the closure you need just happened even without you seeing and talking to him. He’s in a relationship now and he’s not man enough to face his blurry past. That’s it. Move on and pray harder that you’ll surpass this situation sooner than you can imagine. Coron is a beautiful island so might as well enjoy everything in it. Make this solo travel a memorable one. 🙂

    1. Exactly, it happened when I received the message from the girl. So there was no need to push for a closure. Not anymore. Not after what theyve done last night. Currently enjoying Coron even though there still thoughts of him, especially when I see the eagle symbol of culion in a distant island. Thanks for your comment. Much appreciated 🙂

    2. Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. You’re right, closure happened the moment I received the text from the girl. Trying really hard to make this a happy trip, as this is memorable already. 🙂

  2. strength … get us some beautiful pics of Coron !

  3. *sigh* I can’t even begin to tell you how much I can relate. And I wish I can give you words of comfort and tell you everything’s going to be okay, but…after a while, after everyone has said the same thing to you, they don’t really help much, you know? I haven’t totally gotten out of the sea of grief myself. So…the only thing I can say is…just hang in there…just keep swimming…and maybe someday we’ll find land. We’ll look back on these chapters of our lives from a better place.

    1. I keep on reminding myself not to overthink especially about the future like how long will this ache? But you know, it doesn’t help. I’m currently having a hard time sleeping right now. They chase me in my dreams. I think this is the most difficult part. Right now, I’m still deciding whether I could still go in Culion and just be a tourist. I’m not sure how low that would make me look like but I dont know. I’m just really confused and everything will go to waste if I dont see him, I think. I think I need this for myself.

      1. I think that if you think it through, and you do what you think is right, and you do it with the best intentions…then that’s really all you can do. No point always thinking what if you did this, or what if you didn’t do that. Just a word of caution, though… sometimes you try so hard, and you think you’re doing what’s best for everyone, and you realize too late that you’re broken, and you’ve lost parts of yourself that you can never get back. So you have to decide at some point when you’re going to stop. Hope is such a double-edged sword. Sometimes hope is more cruel than despair. Just remember that. *hugs*

      2. I’ll think this through tomorrow. I still have 5 days to do whatever in Coron. I just want to at least reassess my first objective. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much this makes me feel better knowing that someone understands my situation right now. *hugs back*

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