Lately I’ve been having dreams of work and it depresses me every waking day. Fear wraps me up early in the morning which makes me tooooo tired and lazy to go to the office. It’s so toxic I just want to get away from all of it. It’s a very critical time where everyone is sensitive about everything we do – one mistake and you’ll be the show-stopper, all eyes on you, all blames on you. It’s scary and if I can get away from all of it, I would be very happy.
I know I can’t control the situation and the people, but I know I can control how I react. It’s hard though, not to be caught up in what’s happening around you. Been asking God if this is really the place He wants me to be, especially now that my heart is not in a good and right condition. I feel like I’m turning into a very negative person, a depressed one, a whiner. I don’t like it, and I know He doesn’t like it too, that’s why I keep asking Him that if He doesn’t want me out, He has to give me motivations to go to the office everyday with a joyful heart. If not, then He should pull me out before this poisons my heart.
As much as I want to flee, He says I can’t always run away from stuffs I can’t handle, instead I should trust in Him and not be afraid. So today, I’ll go to work again and drown myself in every good thing while shutting the bad ones. *fingers crossed*