Fear and Faith

I’ve been meaning to write an entry since Friday, but I couldn’t seem to describe my week.

It’s been looooong and hard — there were disappointments, setbacks, success and milestones. Mixed-up emotions.

It’s funny how I got so emotional of how a person I thought got my back, dropped me like a hot potato. I was never really the kind of person who’s vulnerable to things like that, I’d like to take into consideration that I broke down because I was sick, suffering from cough and cold. God has ways to show me reality. I realized that He is the only One who would not forsake me nor leave me! Whenever I look back to that day, I pray to God that somehow I do not become someone like that. I’d like to take care of my people and be the person they can always look up to and go to whenever they needed someone. I am glad that amidst all that, I was able to keep my hopes up and just lifted it all up to the Father.

And this week, no matter how much I wanted to fast-forward to the weekend so I can have my vacation, I know I needed to go through this unscathed. Just looking at the emails in my inbox makes me shiver in fear and doubt. George Muller said, “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.” I know I shouldn’t be scared. I have faith, and this faith is rooted in the belief that my Father will sustain me through this.

I prayed this to God, that He will give me an opportunity to be very knowledgeable in my application, that He will lift me up for His glory. And I believe this is His answer. With this, I have no right to complain. I only have the option of giving my best and leave the rest to Him. I don’t even want to think that I will fail. Because if God planned this out for His glory, then who can be against us? Someday, I’d like to look back and give myself a pat, smile and say, “I did my best with whatever I had in hand.” I wouldn’t want to regret any of it because I didn’t do well enough, or I didn’t exert efforts to the best of my capability. I don’t want to waste such opportunity so I’m just lifting this out to the Lord because I cannot do this alone, surrendering my present and future endeavor to His faithfulness and power.

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – (Exodus 14:13a,14)

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