I won’t deny I’m scared and I won’t even say I’m ready but somehow I’d like to see this as an opportunity wherein I can grow as a career woman and a person as a whole. As that day nears, my fear of being on my own increases. What ifs and buts and maybes fill my mind as if it becomes the food that feeds my brain. I have tried so many times to convince myself that I can do this, but every time I do, everything just shuts down and I’m on square one again.
There are days when all I wanna do is stare at the blinking monitor screen and bawl like there’s no tomorrow. I did try it once, but to no avail. Not a tear came out of my eyes but I did hear the loud beating of my heart which alarmed me the most. I told myself this won’t be easy, that I should not compare myself to anyone, that I should be patient and eager of learning new things and apply it five days a week and even on weekends if necessary until today, I realized that maybe all I wanted is to hear someone that everything’s gonna be okay; that I can do it; that if I fail, I can always find a way to fix it.
This is more like a difficulty and an opportunity at the same time. I develop myself as a person who is able of establishing myself with the best of my capability and at the same time I develop myself as a woman whose faith is firmly rooted in Him and believes that I am nothing without Him. Somehow, it all boils down to one point: I am not sufficient enough to go through this alone and rely on my skills and understanding, instead God wants me to know that He loves me so much He won’t let me rely on my strength alone but to trust Him and believe in Him that I will endure and persevere till the end of time – I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13).
With this, I ask you to pray for me and with me that when I call upon Him whether in thanksgiving or supplication, He will answer and assist me in every situation I am in.
“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (Romans 5:3-5)