It’s the wee hours of November 2 and I can hear some house music from nowhere. I’m supposed to be having a deep slumber at this hour, but since I don’t have work tomorrow, I decided to watch some Korean movie called Love on-air which I didn’t finish since it lacks kilig moments. Then I proceeded to a drama series which is entitled “Nice Guy” but it was too depressing – reminded me a lot of The O.C (except for Summer/Seth parts).  At 3:15, Zander called up and informed me about updates with regards to work.

Where is this music coming from? Crap, it’s All Souls/Saints Day and I am hearing some party music. I mean, seriously? Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere resting the days off, sitting at a couch under the coconut tree? Or staying at home and watching horror movies? Or sleeping? Is there even a club near us? This is really bothering me.

Anyway, how was your week? Before you tell me anything, let me tell you mine first. *wink

Monday. Brain was already programmed into vacation mode, but we had to work and had to solve some issue before holiday kicks in. Nang Stif informed me of Anne’s family member’s loss, condolences to the family. Headache.

Tuesday. Brain was 70% on vacation mode. Still working on the same issue. I had my first conference call and I was just excited. I mean, I wasn’t really saying anything but I was just glad to be there and listening to their conversation. Still feeling the headache.

Wednesday. Brain was in 100% vacation mode. Didn’t have a lot of work. Everyone was almost close to lazing around, but still found ways to be productive. Also, we went to Anne’s place in Pearl Drive in Fairview. We were standing at the bus for almost 2 hours, and I am so disappointed to say that chivalry is indeed dead. Not one guy stood up to let us sit. Not one.  My headache worsened – when we sat down, I was hungry and Nang Stif gave me food. I thought the headache will be gone but it just worsened. I had to close my eyes and take a 10-minute nap which didn’t help at all. When we arrived at Anne’s place, we had dinner and proceeded to the wake of her cousin. My heart broke to see her dead cousin’s girlfriend. She was crying, reminiscing things while displaying a smile – a sad smile. She told us about how they met, how much they loved each other, their plans, and between those stories, she would cry while holding his jacket. He was actually too young to die.

And then I thought what if this happens to me – like someone I really really loved dies without even saying goodbye, without a warning, without even thinking that this might really happen in real life, how would I take the pain? How would I accept the reality that no matter what, he’s never coming back? How would I live in the present while thinking all the good and bad times we had?

Then I thought of Daddy (my lolo). My lola died at the age of 70. I remembered it was a Saturday noon when I went to their house and reminded her that we’ll be going the next day to Cadiz for the dinagsa festival. She had fever and she was chilling and I told my Tita that Lola isn’t feeling well, and they said she was already checked. So I shrug off the thought that it may be serious. At that time,  I forgot that death might visit her any time. The next morning, we fetched Lolo and Lola and I took a picture of Lola on the car which became her last smiling picture.  At January 31, 2011, when Lolo and Lola were eating their afternoon snacks, Lola fell on the floor. She was rushed to the hospital, but she to no avail. We were crying and Lolo was saying, “Wala na si Mommy.. wala na si mommy..” And I felt really sorry for him.

After that, you could actually see how Lolo’s life deteriorated, how he became uninterested in the world, how he keeps on waiting for the day to see her again. That was also a wake up call to the family. It was like a bell telling everyone that death is real. From that day on, every moment spent with Lolo is treasured. Every breakfast, lunch, dinner, drive, conversation, pictures, everything. It became so special, it became a reason, it became important. We want him to feel loved, appreciated, secured, care and thanked for. It’s just too sad that we had to lose Mommy first before realizing everything. But I bet she’s fine in God’s hand.

Thing here is, I can only imagine how great Lolo’s pain is. He spent more than 50 years with Lola, doing everything together – building life, being there for good and bad times, and actually living their wedding vows. They were faithful – they were partners. How can one imagine the pain of losing someone so special, someone you spent almost all your life with, someone you cherished, someone you gave half of your life to? I can only hope that as Lolo passes each day, he sees God’s purpose why He chose to take Mommy away. I hope Lolo sees and understands that everything will work for the good of His glory, that He has plans way way way higher for man’s understanding. I hope his wounds would heal and treasure every moment he spends with people around him. Until then, I can only hope and pray.

Actually, I feel really sad whenever I see Daddy’s eyes filled with tears whenever he talks about Mommy, or whenever we visit her grave or whenever there’s an occasion to celebrate and everyone is present. There are moments where he can be so proud of his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren and all he can say is, “Tani ari di si Mommy mo to witness such event.” We would usually say, “She’s witnessing even grander event up there.” And he would just smile and wipe his eyes.

I actually didn’t have plans to go home this December, but when Mom said that Daddy felt sad that I won’t be going home, I just had to buy the tickets and schedule a flight. I was also excited to buy him a pair of shoes, like my other working cousins do for him. Or drive him around without asking for gasoline fee (hehe). Or treat him to lunch or dinner. I bet he’ll be talking about me to his friends when I drive him to Hinigaran – like how proud he is that I’m now working in my field. I’m actually excited to go home. *wink*

So you, person who is reading this, before everything ends, tell him or her how much you love them. Show them how much you care. Thank them for their good deeds. Hug them like you’re not letting go. And serve them like it’s your last day. And before anything else, tell Him what a sinner you are and accept Him as your mighty Savior and Creator – that when something happens, you’re never too late for anything. Tell the world of the wondrous moments that you’ve spent with your family, friends, and even special someone. Tell him. Tell her. Tell the world.


One Comment Add yours

  1. franzen says:

    tears falling……

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s