He’s online, you’re online, then what?

So cliche. You keep looking on that thumbnail and clicking on it and your mind is in a difficult battle in which whether you win or not, you’re still a loser. Should I ping him? What shall I talk about? How will I make the conversation flowing and not awkward? Questions, questions.

I have this guy I’ve been eyeing on since college and I always see his thumbnail on my Facebook’s chat. Whenever I see that green square on his picture, I keep on wondering whether I ping him or not. I did try once, asking some questions that I know is very relevant to his role in college. I was really happy when he replied with a decent answer and a smiley – A SMILEY! I was jumping up and down and I even texted my friend that I was chatting with him. Sometimes, I have a wild and crazy idea to just leave him a message telling him how much I had a crush on him – after all, I wouldn’t see him till next year.. or I won’t see him ever, so he can just laugh about it and shrug it off. But what’s the point?

I was never the aggressive girl when it comes to the person I really like. I’m so shy and super timid. I feel so dull and not so very smart. I’m scared that if I say something ‘smart’, I would say it wrongly and I’d make a fool of myself. I’ve done that before. I was so conscious with my grammar that I ended up typing the wrong past participle. Are you kidding me? So yeah, I think that summed up the idea that I’d rather keep quiet than say foul words and be tagged as stupid and I won’t ever have a chance with the guy. Hahahaha! How pitiful.

Then there’s this playful side of me – like I just really want to have fun and talk to you – even if you’re my crush – it’s the time when I don’t care whether you think I’m this and that, I just wanna get to know you. But this usually happens when I’m not that much into you. Most of the time, I’d joke and laugh and get so talkative.

I also have this thing that when I tag you as a friend, I won’t ever ever entertain of having a relationship with you in any way! Once a friend, always a friend. I don’t want that awkward moment. I don’t want that boundary. I just want to be friends where we can talk whatever we want to, go out without thinking that we’re dating, give our opinions while thinking there wouldn’t be anything we do or say that would mean us hurting each other. If we do, we’ll just laugh it out or be frank about not wanting to hear/see it. So yeah, that’s about it.

Lately, I’ve been attending all this “Singles” community in church. I’m not really looking for anyone, I just want to meet new and wonderful people. I’m so much having fun like after having a long and tiring week at work, I can listen to God’s word and eat dinner with these great people after. I feel so blessed.

Anyway, since my Mom has discovered the wonders of the amazing Internet, she has been reading on my blog once in awhile so I’ll probably check out on my thoughts and be a little careful with my words. And that thing I’m talking about – stated above  (the whole confession thing) – is not gonna happen. Hahaha.

Just wondering, is there someone out there who also looks at my thumbnail, deciding whether to ping me on chat or not?  BOOM!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s